When Boundaries Feel Hard

Creating boundaries in adulthood has been hard for me because I've never been good at it, and it's still a work in progress. For me and many other women, connection is usually tied to care: showing up, giving, understanding, and being available.

So, stepping into a new chapter of emotional maturity, one that requires boundaries, can feel like doing something wrong for choosing peace over people-pleasing.

Yet I've learned that boundaries aren't walls to keep others out - they're doors that teach us how to let the right things in. Still, that doesn't make it easy, particularly when it's with people we deeply love.

When you start learning to express "this is what I can and can't handle" or "this doesn't align with where I am right now,"it can shake relationships that were built on older versions of you, the "you" who said yes out of guilt, or fear of letting someone down, or fear of being misunderstood.

Unfortunately, when those relationships shift, it can sting. But that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means you're growing.

When you allow fear to control your actions, your life becomes smaller, limited by what you avoid. But acting with courage to face fears and embrace challenges expands your life, opening up new opportunities and experiences. 

If you're unsure whether a relationship truly honors your new boundaries, these three steps can help you find clarity and confidence.

1. Peace Over Performance

After spending time together, do you feel peace or exhaustion? Healthy relationships leave room for rest, honesty, and grace. If you find yourself suppressing parts of yourself, your boundaries aren't being understood or respected as they deserve to be.

2. Reciprocity Over Resentment

Boundaries often reveal whether someone is capable of meeting you halfway. When you express your needs, are they open to hearing them, or shift the focus to what they're losing? Relationships that survive healthy boundaries are those that value mutual respect, not just convenience.

3. Understanding Over Justifying

You don't need to over-explain why you need space, time, or distance. When someone knows your heart, they might not always agree, but they'll listen and seek to understand. If every no turns into an argument, it often says more about their own insecurities in losing control than about your boundaries.

Learning to set boundaries can feel uncomfortable, but choosing peace over people-pleasing is an act of growth that helps you build relationships rooted in mutual respect, understanding, and authenticity.

God Bless,

Amy