Facts vs. Feelings: Choosing Grace Over Grudges

healing self care Oct 09, 2025

Let’s be honest, separating facts from feelings isn’t always easy. I know because it hasn’t always been easy for me. For years, I let my emotional responses shape my perspective of people and situations. But over time, with intention and inner work, I’ve learned that acknowledging my feelings without letting them dictate my reality has created space for more grace and far fewer grudges.

This shift didn’t happen overnight. It came through hard conversations, quiet reflection, and honest moments of self-awareness, many of which resurfaced during the FOCUS Retreat. If you were there, you know how powerful it was to hear other women share their stories and realize, “I’m not alone in this.”

Why Is It So Hard to Separate Facts from Feelings?

Because feelings are real. They show up in our bodies, our thoughts, and often, in our assumptions. When someone says or does something that hurts, our emotions can quickly shape the narrative: “She meant to hurt me,” “They don’t care about me,” or “This always happens to me.”

But are those thoughts true - or just true in the moment? I often say, two things can be true at the same time:

I can be hurt by someone I love... and also know that it wasn’t intentional.
I can acknowledge someone else’s pain or my own... without excusing poor behavior.
I can hold compassion... and still create boundaries.

Separating facts from feelings isn’t ignoring your emotions; it’s about honoring them without giving them full control.

If You Are Holding This Tension, Here Are 3 Questions to Help You Separate Facts from Feelings:

1. What do I know happened, and what am I assuming happened?

When emotions rise, we often jump to conclusions.
Practice: Write down what was said or done, then separate that from what you felt. For example:

Fact: She didn’t reply to my text for two days.
Feeling/Assumption: She’s mad at me or doesn’t value our friendship.
Challenge yourself to hold space for other possibilities.

2. Is this reaction about now... or something old resurfacing?

Sometimes our emotional reactions are rooted in old wounds, rather than the current situation.
Practice: When something stirs a big emotional response, ask yourself, “Have I felt this way before?” If so, this may be an opportunity to heal something deeper- not just react to the surface-level issue.

3. What would it look like to assume the best of this person instead of the worst?

Grace doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior. But when we truly know someone and their heart, it’s worth extending the benefit of the doubt.
Practice: Imagine that the person didn’t mean to hurt you. How does that change the way you feel or want to respond?

When You Pause, You Take Back Your Power

One of the most healing realizations I’ve had is that I get to choose how I hold my pain... and someone else's. That doesn’t mean denying my emotions or pretending I’m fine. It means giving myself the dignity of choice; to pause, process, and proceed with intention.

Looking inward gives me and you the pause we need. It allows us to lead with truth instead of assumption, and respond with clarity instead of reactivity.

At the end of the day, separating facts from feelings isn’t about denying your experience — it’s about owning it in a way that sets you free.

Here Are Some Reflection Questions for You Today:

Where in your life have you confused a feeling for a fact?
What situation right now needs more grace than grudges?
How can you honor your emotions without letting them dictate your decisions?

Let’s choose both truth and grace.

With love, intention & purpose,
Amy